Times Have Changed

I tend to over-analyze situations and spend the bulk of my time trapped in thought. Sometimes I can express what I want to say, other times things come out haphazardly.

What I've realized over the past week or so is that I am so much more open to life than I ever have been before. And maybe that's just a function of time and place, but I think it's really more perspective than anything else.

I went to several events since my last post including the San Francisco Ballet (Maelstrom, Caprice, and Rite of Spring), Cal Day, a site visit at a start up where I met the CEO, Milt McColl, a former NFL player and M.D. from Stanford Med School, a friend's birthday hangout, brunch at a nice place, Captain America movie, and a jog to The Marina. There is more to be planned over the next 5 weeks so at least my life isn't boring... but I'm sometimes left to wonder if I'm filling up my life with new things and experiences because I'm trying to fill a void and I haven't grieved properly. It's entirely possible but I think, based on my emotional states and how I feel about my ex (bordering a hurt but happy nostalgia) whenever I need to describe the past or the present, I am doing well for myself. Someone said I seem to have moved on quickly. I don't think that's the case. Rather, I grasped the situation more deeply and was self-aware enough to embrace the pain and accept the situation as it was. It also helped that I went to Cal's free counseling/therapy. haha

I am extremely blessed to be surrounded by so many intelligent, good people right now. The trio: TSA, my colleague/wingwoman/partner in crime, my spicy cilantro basketball friends (aka the PhD students), my advisors, and a growing pool of friends/colleagues who I consider "amazing coffee dates." Seems a little offhanded to describe the latter that way - but I mean exactly that: I love having conversations with them and exchanging parts of ourselves and if time and circumstance allowed, we would probably be besties or broskis.

 

Back to the public view for my blog, not that anyone reads this... as a long-time friend of mine put it: it would help make my writing more meaningful knowing there is a potential audience out there. If I keep it private, my blog sort of becomes a blob of thoughts and personal reflections - meaningful in its own right, but reserved for my more private journals.

I know that in this blog, I talk about myself obsessively as I use this as a space for self-reflection and whatnot. Circumstantially, this is where I am at in life and someday soon I will be able to turn my reflections elsewhere - towards world issues and my passions - but for now, bear with me. :)

This photo shows a little brainstorming I did back on February 18th when I was still struggling with my emotional states. I really think I've come a long way.