Movies Watched: Her (2013)
Television: Star Trek: TOS; Star Trek: Voyager; Black Mirror
Disclaimer: Xanga Mode/Relationship Talk. Very, very cheesy and overspeculative.
I spent some reflective time stitching together new memories from this past weekend and the past few months. In my headspace, the montage feels something right out of an indie movie... like an indie fairytale. It's not Disney; it's not Hollywood; it's not even anime. It's indie: artistic but... still very true to life.
When Marvin and I first met, I was personally at a point where I no longer cared about meeting anyone. I knew that I was completely equipped to just be single for a very long time. If someone came along, then great, but until then, why worry?
It's funny because I guess the moment I stopped worrying was the moment I met someone. Then everything that followed was totally organic and natural and unforced--unlike what my previous experiences with dating were like (online dating, in particular).
Simultaneously, both of our lives were experiencing chaotic shifts. He was changing jobs, taking on a second job, and I was just starting my job, also taking on a second job, and about to get knee surgery. But somehow amid all the chaos, I still felt in sync with him. We made time. It felt right.
It seems we are very complementary and have compatible communication styles. And I respect/admire him: his industriousness, his independence, his subtle and contained confidence, his funny way of explaining things, his odd difficulty with parallel parking and penchant for pilot G2 pens, his weird poly-bromances, his taste in music and movies-however jaded and cynical, his love for the outdoors and nature, his mischievous eyes, his silly smile, and his shy sense of adventure.
It seems we are very complementary and have compatible communication styles. And I respect/admire him: his industriousness, his independence, his subtle and contained confidence, his funny way of explaining things, his odd difficulty with parallel parking and penchant for pilot G2 pens, his weird poly-bromances, his taste in music and movies-however jaded and cynical, his love for the outdoors and nature, his mischievous eyes, his silly smile, and his shy sense of adventure.
I feel safe and comfortable around him and thus far he does his best to treat me well. He makes me want to cook breakfast for him in the morning; I'd drive 30 miles to where he lives in South Bay if he needed something; I'm inspired to be a better self because of him; and I want to help him change and evolve for the better as well.
And maybe.. just maybe... I want this to go on for a long, long time...
... forever, in my indie fairytale.
It would be very nice for this to be one.
Yet I find myself hesitating.
I'm often afraid that what I feel may just be projections of what I want to feel. People can trick themselves into falling in love with someone incompatible. Someone once told me it was because I tend to look for and find the good in people. That definitely led to over-idealization of my past partners.
I think it's reasonable to observe more and be certain that I'm not overlooking important information about myself or himself. Would I become annoyed with his quirks and personality as I did with my previous boyfriends? It seems unlikely given that I am a very different person now. And compatibility is such a big part of my values now. "New person, new relationship, new you," a friend told me.
On Saturday night, Teresa and I watched "Her," a film with a lot to say about relationships. The ending of that movie was open to much speculation as to what would ensue afterwards. It is implied that the protagonist is now ready to move forward from his prior relationships, while treasuring the fact that they existed. He is primed for the next chapter of his life. I liked the last exchange he has with his OS, Samantha, just before she "leaves":
Theo: I've never loved anyone like I've loved you.In juxtaposition, he then writes this chillingly familiar email to his ex-wife:
Samantha: Me too. Now we know how.
I'm sitting here thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say.
I'm sorry for that.
I'll always love you because we grew up together, and you helped make me who I am. I just wanted you to know that there'll be a piece of you in me always and I'm grateful for that.
Whatever someone you become, wherever you are in the world I'm sending you love. You're my friend till the end.
We witness this in sequence because Theo's lost relationship with Samantha and dissolved relationship with Catherine have in tandem taught him "how to love."
1) We must be careful about loving our own projections of what a person should be for us because that is not who they are. They are separate from you. And that's what makes a healthy relationship beautiful.
2) People, like the OSes, evolve and change.
3) We cannot expect people to fulfill our 'needs.' We are responsible for our own happiness.
I truly believe that “Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually cultivates it, even at the risk of separation or loss.” (Scott Peck) In mutual love, we remove all expectations except one: unwavering respect for each other. That's a healthy love in my eyes.
When the time is right, I know I'll be ready to make a decision to love.
There are some moments in my life where I just have to let myself be happy--moments where I need to let myself feel vulnerable. Because how else would I be able to extend my human capacities? How else would I be able to share something special with someone?
1) We must be careful about loving our own projections of what a person should be for us because that is not who they are. They are separate from you. And that's what makes a healthy relationship beautiful.
2) People, like the OSes, evolve and change.
3) We cannot expect people to fulfill our 'needs.' We are responsible for our own happiness.
I truly believe that “Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other but actually cultivates it, even at the risk of separation or loss.” (Scott Peck) In mutual love, we remove all expectations except one: unwavering respect for each other. That's a healthy love in my eyes.
When the time is right, I know I'll be ready to make a decision to love.
There are some moments in my life where I just have to let myself be happy--moments where I need to let myself feel vulnerable. Because how else would I be able to extend my human capacities? How else would I be able to share something special with someone?
--Thoughts of a Not-Really-Manic Pixie Dream Girl--
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