Saturday, August 18, 2018

Unbroken, a reminder to hold on to your moxie

I found "Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption" (by Laura Hillenbrand) under recommendations in a Facebook group for hikers and backpackers and was drawn to the synopsis. Unbroken is a biography of Olympic runner Louis ("Louie") Zamperini, an Italian American who grew up in Southern California. He becomes a B-42 airman for the U.S. during World War II and after a series of successful missions on Super Man, things suddenly go south on his first mission on Green Hornet, which crashes into the Pacific Ocean 850 miles from point of origin. Only 3 men survive the crash and they are soon adrift on two life rafts... The story follows Louie's story of... well, survival, resilience, and redemption throughout World War II and the years that followed.

My Main Takeaway: Rebellion

Normally a reader of fiction, I have never had a big appetite for biographies but, recently, I find a lot of inspiration from real-life stories. For one thing, the characters are (in general) relatable and if they aren't, the characters are normally portrayed in such a way that demonstrates the lengths of human capacities while still bringing a lens of realism to their personalities.

Louie was an incredible athlete and much of that physical prowess carried him to survival. But more than that, his struggles in childhood before WWII forged grit into his soul:
From earliest childhood, Louie had regarded every limitation placed on him as a challenge to his wits, his resourcefulness, and his determination to rebel. The result had been a mutinous youth. As maddening as his exploits had been for his parents and his town, Louie's success in carrying them off had given him the conviction that he could think his way around any boundary. Now, as he was cast into extremity, despair and death became the focus of his defiance. The same attributes that had made him the boy terror of Torrance were keeping him alive in the greatest struggle of his life.
I feel that we all need a little defiance in our lives. Because nothing worth doing in life ever comes easy and we are always met with resistance and voices that tell us "you can't do it." We all need convictions and beliefs and the moxie to follow them. When the boat rocks and we fall overboard -- and get thrown to the sharks -- we get right back on and persevere because we believe in the directions we are headed.

Historical Roots

Having just visited Hawaii, it dawned on me while reading this book that WWII was only 75 years ago. Since then we've been through several conflicts with other nations and an average of 2.33 million military personnel on active duty per years from 1950-2000. "Of this average, 535,000 troops (23 percent of all military personnel) were deployed on foreign soil." That is a massive number! And yet, despite The War on Terror and the Iraq War during my adolescence, war and the suffering inflicted by war still feel so far removed from my experience. War, in my daily life, feels like a phantom notion.

I remember a high school assignment in which I interviewed a family friend who went through a Japanese internment camp during WWII and then peer reviewing an essay from a Caucasian friend (Richard) whose grandfather fought in the Pacific (versus the Japanese) in WWII. Richard's grandfather's experiences with the cruelty of the Japanese people was a stark contrast to the cruelty experienced by the Japanese Americans in internment camps. Ironic, isn't it, how cruelty can be brought out so easily when the stakes of nations are so high? And no matter what way we spin it, we are still living through those repercussions of the past. I live with a vague fear that an impending nuclear war will overturn everything I know, like it did for Louie Zamperini, and yet, it feels so unlikely to happen.

I suppose this is how I always feel after reading or watching war stories. But it's an important feeling to have - because it is a generous reminder of our past and suggests we should learn from the mistakes of generations before us. Still, millennials are just as prone to eerily similar mistakes in a world that constantly puts new twists on the circumstances surrounding it.

4.5 stars out of 5

Unbroken was easy to read through and well-written. I loved the anecdotes and historical context provided. Louie himself and his friends, Russell Allen "Phil" Phillips and William Frederick "Bill" Harris in particular, were fascinating subjects to me. I've been inspired to embrace suffering in whatever form it comes (mild as my suffering may be in comparison to the men in this book) to help forge my character and resilience.



Currently Reading: Bad Blood (John Carreyrou), The Road to Character (David Brooks)

Saturday, August 4, 2018

Growth Decisions

ALV v4.1 Patch Notes


Currently Listening: The Killers - All These Things That I've Done
Currently Reading: Training and Racing with a Power Meter

After many false starts and numerous drafts, I'm finally getting back into my blog... for my sake.

This 1-year dry spell is the longest I've ever gone without a single blog post since 2010 and I am okay with that. I want to say that I was focused on trying to live my life but, more than likely, I didn't post very much because there was a general lull in the flux of my life. Not much was changing. Whenever I caught up with people, I would always give a similar answer to the question, "what's up?" "Not much.... work, tri stuff, boyfriend, Marshmallow..." Some of that was an intense focus on triathlon training and trying to be more practical in daily life (being more organized, simplifying my wardrobe, writing checklists, keeping a planner/calendar, NOT losing my phone or keys, etc.). While my external world was finding order and structure, my internal world was shelved away. Which is OK. To be an effective human, practical skills are things I need so it was necessary to shelve away my internal world...

Eventually, however, I ached to return to a deep-seated enthusiasm for life and I wanted my emotional and intellectual life to flourish again. I ached for change externally and internally. I wanted to really, truly commit to the best and happiest version of myself.

So these past few months, I...
  • ... made a conscious effort to embrace the best parts of my social life.
  • ... asked for a raise and better responsibilities at work (and got it!).
  • ... broke up with my boyfriend when I decided that there was no longer any room for growth together.
  • ... embraced my love of the outdoors (I went on a solo hiking trip and have many more planned).
  • ... made a list of books to read and started reading again.
  • ... made a list of things to do before I can allow myself to get into a new relationship. 
It's wild putting things in perspective after all that's happened. Here I am. Single. But not alone or lonely. I have a job where I am allowed to grow and cultivate the skills I want. I have a career ambition that I am finally confident in pursuing. I have a life filled with fulfilling friendships and hobbies. I am more confident, not just in who I am now, but in my ability to reach my potential. I have an intrinsic drive, forged through the fire of a past peppered with struggles, confusion, and tension. I no longer ruminate for too long and I keep things rolling as best as possible at the beck and call of life. When I get knocked over, I know I can get right back up.

It's strange to look back on old posts (both my private/public blog) and compare how I felt about myself back then to how I feel about myself now. After sharing my reasons for my breakup with a close friend, she commented on how proud she was of me -- how I never knew how awesome I was even though I was and how far I've come away from a place of insecurity to a place of confidence... now I know I'm awesome and deserve the right kind of awesome to match it. Happily, I genuinely feel this is true.

To close, the BEST thing I've ever done for myself over the last 8 years was learn how to be more self-compassionate. Self-compassion is SO necessary if you want to grow and share your light with other people. That's the goal of all this right? At least I like to tell myself this: I want to make myself better so I can help others and my community. To share light and love and compassion and everything in between --  that is the real aspiration here.

What's next? SO much more!

(Oh and a happy early 28th birthday to me!)