"May I speak to Charles, please?" (names have been changed)
"May I know who this is?"
"My name is Andrea, I'm calling from UCSF on behalf of Dr. Bern."
"Oh, hello! I'm sorry, Andrea, to tell you, that Charles passed away last Sunday."
It was unexpected for me. I've been meeting patients in oncology for more than a year but I'd always seen them in the middle of treatments. I never really found myself at "the end." I had no idea what to say, really. But the first thing that I wanted to do was ask how she was.
"I'm still in a daze." But there was a certain reverie in her voice when she spoke about him. Cancer patients have a very special fate: they have enough time to anticipate the end... Before his death, Charles had seen it coming and he willed his friends and family to not mourn his departure but rather celebrate his life, to not to wear black, and to have a genuinely good time with each other. "He was a spirit walking around on this earth."
When this kind woman began to tear up over the phone, I felt so much empathy that I also started tearing up too. And as she described his celebration, I could picture the joy and wisdom of that patient's soul even though I had never met him in person.
Wouldn't it would be wonderful to have such an overwhelmingly joyous soul that it is felt even by people you've never met? Sharing genuine joy and appreciating what you have while creating something better on this life adventure--that's pretty amazing.
While working in oncology, the patients I've seen have displayed a huge range of different coping mechanisms. Some are anxious and avoid talking about their problem while others want to face their condition head on and still others are extremely stoic. Emotional reactions go between anger, skepticism, shock, fear, and relief.
I am humbled as I ruminate on how I'd react in the face of certain trials. I don't know how I'd react if placed on the battlefields of cancer. But for those in helping professions, it's the fighters we come to admire. So I would hope to be a fighter.
All I know is that I am in the healthcare industry because I want the ability to give to others--to give not just a treatment or a device that can save lives but to give out the tools and knowledge everyone needs to be a fighter in the face of certain adversities. That desire helps me fight my smaller, more trivial battles, every day.
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| "You should enjoy the little detours. To the fullest. Because that's where you'll find the things more important than what you want." |
Currently Reading: Mother Night (Kurt Vonnegut, 1961)
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