Mothers & Fathers

My mom's birthday passed last week but I didn't get to see her because she went home to the Philippines. On the day she was supposed to celebrate being brought into this world by her own mother, my mom had to take time off to deal with the loss of her mother, my grandma. She was already in her 90s, which is an age most people are lucky to reach, and had many of the health issues associated with senility. In some capacity, my mom was prepared for the loss as part of the circle of life. But still. My mom has spent more than 25 years in the USA, returning to the Philippines only on occasion.

In addition, the father of a friend/sister to me passed away. He was middle-aged - so it definitely felt more of a life cut too short. My friend was very close to her father and she was very much inspired by him - which, coupled with hard work, talent, and a bit of luck, culminated in the success she's had in her career thus far. She was in New York when she heard the news.

An overarching theme surrounding death has always been a sense of "lost time." My mom was in the USA when she heard the news of her last living parent. My friend was on the opposite coast. I never really realized how profound of an impact it had to not be present during a loved one's last dying breath. It's as if any chance you could have had for closure is stolen away from you; no matter how "prepared" you think you are, it's still all too sudden and all too much. The only comfort you really have is the last time you saw him or her; and even that can be a distant memory if you don't make sure to treasure it.

We never really treasure our time with our parents. We spend the first quarter of our life living in dependence of them and taking it for granted because that's all we've ever known. Eventually we become independent and we begin to live our own lives - find a significant other, more friends... We expect them to be there when we eventually have children of our own because they've told us all our lives "When you have kids..." or "I'll take care of your kids for you..." So I guess the cliche holds true. We should really try and treat every moment as if it's our last.