Sorry, I've been MIA.

Okay, it's time to bite the bullet, forget the writer's block, and finally update my blog. I feel like there hasn't really been much to talk about since I've been taking a pretty minimalist approach to life. But I think this will be a good place to keep track of my goals and current life ideologies.

1) "Spending less" is becoming a big part of my life in Berkeley. It was a big part in Hong Kong, too, but it's more significant now because I don't have income from tutoring part-time and because I now have student loans looming beyond the horizon. Luckily, I've become more and more minimalist (something I've taken away from living abroad and having to live a more mobile lifestyle) and it isn't that difficult to decide that I can't afford one thing if it means sacrificing another. (A trip home versus a new dress, for example.)

2) Decisiveness. I think this is the most important thing I am learning, especially as it applies to my job search and my future. I had a conversation with an old friend who conveyed to me:

• One way to success is to choose a path and stick with it--don't get so tangled up in the things that everyone else tells you.
• You can always create your own happiness.
• You'll never know if the other paths you could have taken were better.

Stop Worrying About Making the Right Decision

In my opinion, those idea-isms by themselves are enough to bring you your own definition of success.

In the past, I never really saw decisiveness as a good quality. I was afraid that you would miss something by being too tunnel-visioned or blindsided by one thing. However, I think I confused decisiveness with stubbornness. Decisiveness contains elements of adaptation and diligence while stubbornness contains elements of resistance and persistence. Decisiveness is understanding the time you should take considering your options. Decisiveness is realizing that all your options will contain all sorts of benefits, struggles, and failures. Decisiveness is knowing that you'll never truly know what was on the other side of the fence and being at peace with that.


3) People. When I said "create your own happinesss," the major condition was that you surround yourself with people that you love and that make you a better person. The focus on ambition and career these days is such a smokescreen for the stuff you are really supposed to care about. Money and personal achievement surely go a long way on Maslow's heirarchy but in the end, assuming you weren't blinded by the selfish pursuit of glory and things, wasn't that climb all about making money to improve the quality of life of your loved ones/potential spouses/future children?

• I try a little harder (really, I'm kind of terrible at this stuff) to be closer to my parents because I know that one day they might not be there for me. I lament all the times I might've been mean to them and I emotionally try to work through all of the grudges I may have developed over the years. I motivate my job search by seeing a future where I can afford to replace my dad's cell phone when it breaks or buy my mom a ticket to visit family in Philippines or help make payments on the house.
• More and more I am trying to keep in contact with friends I trust and care about--even if they're all the way in Chicago, Boston, back at home, or two cities away. I am by no means perfect and I still fail when it comes to responding to text/FB messages or reaching out to old friends. But I'm not going to give up. Contrary to what I've been led to believe, keeping important people in your life really takes effort. Especially at this stage of personal and community development. There are so many people I care about!

I truly apologize if I've been MIA from your lives and if you've felt sad/bitter about it. Maybe it's too excessive to reach out when I don't really need to but then again would that mean you become just a "convenient friend"? My hope is that no one would feel that way. When you think of me as a friend, I'd hope for it to mean shared memories, a sense of belonging, and a readily available ear in times of distress or joy. I really hope you know that you're still important to me even as time moves on.

Gearing Your Life Towards Your Future

I'm currently at UCSF - UC Berkeley completing a degree called "Master of Translational Medicine (MTM)." Nice name brands on my resume and a head turning degree, don't you think? But don't be fooled.

You see, most graduate students are in a state of limbo. A number of us are looking for jobs or thinking about doing further study. Some of us are so confused that they're not sure what they want to do. All we know is that we are passionate about something. 

The reality is that I entered graduate school because I wanted to be able to package myself in a way that would set me up for quick, well-paid employment. First, for the practical sense that I need to pay off my student loans and second, because, well, I would love to see the products I help develop for the medical industry reach their commercial and healthcare-providing potential. In other words, I care. And I want to help people. That's the sentiment you sense from most if not all MTM students. 

It's a two-sided coin, however, in that within this program there are so many directions you can take. There's the clinical, the business, and the engineering. It seems someone in this program might be well-suited for project management or as an important asset to a startup company. Hence, the good part is that you become a jack of all trades. But the "meh" part is that your work or your specialties may appear to be unfocused if you don't package yourself well. Especially if you go straight to graduate school from your undergraduate studies.

Here's where it becomes tricky.

I think that when you enter the (very broad) fields of Biomedical Engineering and Bioengineering, you have to know exactly what you want to focus on but that can be hard when the only thing you know (I know) is that I want to help people to the best of you (my) capacity.

The engineering part of the field has so many branches. In bioinformatics, there will be a strong emphasis in programming. In electrical biodevices, there will be a strong emphasis on electrical and computer engineering. In biomaterial biodevices, there will be a strong emphasis on chemical and mechanical engineering.

Now, add that to the complex nature of clinical development and product delivery. It can be a challenge.

When it comes to job-searching - the only directions I feel like I have is that I'm interested in learning more programming, I like biomaterials, and I want to collaborate with hospitals. How is that going to get me a job?

I'm on the job hunt now. Time to meet my potential employers.

Creating a life that reflects your values and satisfies your soul is a rare achievement. In a culture that relentlessly promotes avarice and excess as the good life, a person happy doing his own work is usually considered an eccentric, if not a subversive. Ambition is only understood if it's to rise to the top of some imaginary ladder of success. Someone who takes an undemanding job because it affords him the time to pursue other interests and activities is considered a flake. A person who abandons a career in order to stay home and raise children is considered not to be living up to his potential-as if a job title and salary are the sole measure of human worth.

You'll be told in a hundred ways, some subtle and some not, to keep climbing, and never be satisfied with where you are, who you are, and what you're doing. There are a million ways to sell yourself out, and I guarantee you'll hear about them.

Life Cartography: Connect the Dots

I kept up my previous blog for three years and followed through many of the changes I went through, albeit I wasn't a consistent blogger. But that chapter of my life is now coming to a close and a new part of my life is beginning to open up.

When I look back on my life, I am amazed at how the events of our lives work out. As much as we are in charge of our own destiny, we never really have full control over anything besides the fact that we can filter out something good out of every event that transpires. What we learn, who we become, how we react to the unexpected, how we carry ourselves in both victory and defeat, all contribute to the very next moments of your life.

As Steve Jobs once said, life is a series of interconnected dots. I sit here in Coffee Bean just feeling... connected to it all. It's these brief moments of epiphany that keep me going: the continuum of events contains hope and opportunity if you just re-adjust your focus and perspective. There are many dots in my past I've yet to connect. I feel like I've only just begun to extract the hidden meanings behind everything I've done in classrooms, on sportsgrounds, in the places I've traveled, and in the labyrinthine corners of my mind and emotions. I've only been to a few places around the world: California and a number of other states, Hong Kong, China (Habitat for Humanity), Thailand (Phuket on a budget), the Philippines (blog recap coming soon)... by no means am I well-traveled, but I do say now that I am prepared for the new places I'll go. The Bay Area (California) is my next destination. The plan after that's Chicago with a few volunteer trips to SEA or wherever I'm compelled to go in between. The challenges forthcoming? Refining what I want out of my career, finding a good job, paying student loans, getting my credit score up, finding the time to "give back, deepening a relationship with God, and further down the road: personal ventures like getting married, having pets, and starting a family.

Along the way, I might continue to struggle with loving and respecting myself but I approach this new day with confidence and a better sense of who I'd like to become. Every day, I am learning how to be a thinker, a lover, a friend, a Christian, and a proponent for change in society. It's not every day I strive to be my best self. Most of the time, I just make it up as I go. But, here we go, loves. I am a cartographer.

'Life has been a trip into the milky way. I've encountered so many stars and myriad blessings from people that have cared about me. Even though I'm pretty bad at keeping in close contact with people, I know that no matter how far I've traveled from them, they will always be shining stars in my galaxy. Even the gifts of random strangers still twinkle with a strange, iridescent glow against the darkness.' The landscape of my own personal milky way is so insanely rich that I'm compelled to believe that God works out all things for good. (An edited version of my thoughts in November 2011)