I Will Survive

Currently Listening: Gloria Gaynor - I Will Surive
Currently Reading: World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War & Freakonomics
Currently Watching: Girl Meets World, The Legend of Korra (Book 3: Change)

On Zombies and Vampires

Since the zombie/vampire concept has transformed into a mainstream fascination, I've decided to jump on the bandwagon. There is so much good material to critically filter out from all Twilights of fiction (an unrealistic love story that holds absolutely no entertainment value save for how terrible it is - but unfortunately, I can't even say it's "so bad it's good" - it's just bad). For example, I read I Am Legend several years ago and, as a chemical/bioengineer, it was intriguing to think of vampirism as a viral infection originally intended as a cure for cancer. I decided to read World War Z upon inspiration from Ann and it has, thus far, been a fascinating work of fiction (I haven't seen the movie). Mostly, I love it because it's sci-fi. And sci-fi is my favorite genre because it combines imagination with the world of science. More than the actual horror/thrill, I enjoy the scientific ideas - viral mechanisms, pathways of infection, and inception. Then, I enjoy the "pseudoscience": the psychology of it all. My favorite excerpt so far from WWZ is on the organ transplant doctor from Brazil.

It's a world of theoretical possibilities, with the threat of apocalyptic endings in an increasingly overpopulated world without boundaries. I once read into a crazy theory that the Mayan civilization faced their apocalyptic end due to a zombie-esque epidemic. Among the arguments was: finding human bite marks on human bones and finding scattered remains from the same bodies, etc. etc. If you Google it, you'd find it interesting but realize that there's not a lot of concrete evidence. But when we have a world, now, that:

• plays with genetics and viruses in the realms of
• agriculture
• biotech
• healthcare
• biological warfare
• has so much traffic between countries and continents
• a growing population
• uncontrolled influence on our external environment leading to unpredictable or accelerated weather patterns (i.e. increasing global temperatures, rising water levels, nuclear fallouts)

How can we not fear a world where a crazy pandemic Prion-like virus sweeps the globe? WE CAN ONLY PREPARE OURSELVES FOR THE WORST.

Week to Week Update

My persistent knee problem is making me a very sad cookie. Physical activity is something that keeps me happy and motivated in life and when I don't have the knees to run a comfortable 5k, I get really ANTSY. Really freaking ANTSY. I can play Ultimate and basketball but not at the level I'd like to compete at. So on Monday, I'm gonna take steps to (finally) set an appointment with a GP to talk about my health. Something I've been avoiding. But since I have a lot of time (being funemployed and all), I might as well take advantage of the time.

Beside that, I feel like I've begun to mentally withdraw from too much social interaction while my general satisfaction with life is dwindling. I have to be there though. Present. Sometimes I just have to force myself... I never regret going out, though. Being able to talk to people and walk away feeling like we'd just had a good exchange makes me feel happy. ALSO - I am really trying to consciously incorporate wit and comedy into my everyday persona. I'm doing this by writing down funny things I think of or hear (using Google Keep on my Android and on Chrome) and then re-using the content in daily life. It's pretty difficult though. I'm pretty sure I operate on a different wavelength than most people (that's why I just can't win at Cards Against Humanity haha). Does it sound silly for me to do this? :o

As life happens, I've gained more experience/insights into the ways of this thing called dating. It's interesting, really. Here I am, this idealist, being brought to several realities - which have more or less been easy for me to ingest. For example, thinking about the long term health and genetics of an individual is actually something people think about... that blows my idealistic mind. Because in my emotionally idealistic world - I would probably not even think about that until after the emotional/romantic connection has been made. And at that point - it would be too late 'cause I'd be in too deep. So it is rational.... and it's something I have to internalize.  As far as dating goes, though, it seems to be transforming into more of a distraction than anything - even when I consciously try to keep it as a separate thing in my life. Maybe because I'm starting to believe that there's more to work on that I previously thought. Andrea version 3.0 still needs release - and there are still several bugs to work out. I still need to install new software, get the latest OS, and ensure I have the best, most effective antivirus, etc. etc. "You have to be the one before you can find the one."

And then I'm going through a weird phase where my subconscious keeps bringing back residual, unresolved thoughts about H. I have these weird dreams of being in the same vicinity and not talking at all and just acting like strangers - sometimes before the dream ends, one or both of us try to reach out but then I wake up. We haven't spoken for more than four months now and it's a sore point to think he was once the person I talked to the most, and now he's just someone from my past that I'm supposed to burn bridges with? Sigh. Just sigh.... it's not me wanting to get back together... it's me being uncomfortable with the fact that we're not friends and I still care about him because he was such a big part of my life. After all that's said and done, even when I know we had changed and distanced ourselves into different people by the time we broke up, I still learned a lot about myself through our relationship and, when the relationship was going well, I aspired towards my ambitions with enthusiasm and conviction. -sadface-

Oh... also... I got a bangcut! Not sure how I feel about it right now but mrehhh! I was going for a very drastic change so it's taking some getting used to.

Musings on the Map

Currently Listening: How to Train Your Dragon OST
Reading Queue: World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War & The Zombie Survival Guide (Max Brooks), Eat, Pray, Love (Elizabeth Gilbert)

1) Personality Typing

The past few months, I've had several conversations about Meyers Briggs Type preferences. Typing personalities is an interesting concept because personalities are fluid. And while some may argue that MBTI is not a useful or validated metric for personality, it seems to be a good guideline. With MBTI alone, you would not be able to account for external factors that affect our propensities such as upbringing, life experiences, culture, and genetics. For me, however, it serves as a good basis for assessing personal strengths and weaknesses and how I can work on personal growth and development.

The four letters as they apply to our types can be described most easily from the MBTI Manual:

Favorite world: Do you prefer to focus on the outer world or on your own inner world? This is called Extraversion (E) or Introversion (I).
Information: Do you prefer to focus on the basic information you take in or do you prefer to interpret and add meaning? This is called Sensing (S) or Intuition (N).
Decisions: When making decisions, do you prefer to first look at logic and consistency or first look at the people and special circumstances? This is called Thinking (T) or Feeling (F).
Structure: In dealing with the outside world, do you prefer to get things decided or do you prefer to stay open to new information and options? This is called Judging (J) or Perceiving (P).

Since I have often had to explain MBTI to others, I've found that extraversion and introversion are often misinterpreted as whether or not one is outgoing and social or quiet and not-quite-as-social. In actuality, extraversion and introversion is generalized to where a person gets their energy--externally or internally. For example, an introvert may not prefer being around too many people at a party because it is more difficult to access their internal world when there is so much going on externally. Additionally, an extrovert would have trouble feeling mentally stimulated when they are alone or in an location that does not seem interesting to them.

MBTI preferences are also interesting for understanding type dynamics in the workplace and in personal relationships. My type, for example, is theoretically a good match with INTJs because of our complementary needs - mentally, emotionally, and psychosocially. I'm discovering more and more that the people I have gravitated towards in my life are INTJs. They are all unique people apart from each other. Most of them I can relate to based on common interests, background, or values but I sometimes won't have much in common with them. However, the common denominator in all my relationships with these people is that they seem to bring order and stability into the way I think, which is usually haphazard, inclined towards non-linearity, and oriented towards the big picture. They challenge me to be a better person while allowing for me to be myself (happy, caring, and people-oriented). I gravitate towards them because I am intrigued by the way they think and operate.

2) Choosing my own adventure (inspired by an INTJ - yay for segues!)

Recently, I was asked what my 5-year plan was. If I could choose my own adventure, where do I see myself in 5 years? That's a good question. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? There are so many possibilities!

My answer at the time was this:
I would be...
... managing research projects in biomaterials with orthopedic applications
... married
... in the process of starting my own rehabilitation clinic focused on new research/technologies. I want to be able to still make an impact by bringing new ideas in from translational medicine!
... considering children (or maybe have one on the way)
... considering further education (possibly physical therapy school?)

Upon further thought, I would add these details: I would be married to someone who is simultaneously my best friend, life teammate, and greatest love of my life. I'd be more knowledgeable, grounded, and very competent at follow-through for new ideas. I'd be able to say I was well-traveled and good at planning trips. I'd know how to code! And finally, I would have paid off all of my student loans and still have a lot of savings.

3) What is the end goal?

Every time someone asks me where I see myself in X amount of years, my mind revisits this little snapshot I once envisioned... with myself as a physical therapist. In this snapshot, I'm helping people recover motor function - be it from neurological disability or injury that required surgical repair. I have encountered a lot of skepticism whenever I mentioned PT to people who understand that I have studied engineering. The general feeling from the skeptics is that if I ever went to PT school, it would be a waste of my engineering education. A few months ago, I was told it was illogical. When I was told that it sounded illogical, I was taken aback for a bit by the criticism. It hurt, actually, and made me sad and unsure of myself.

But I thought about it some more... I don't feel it is illogical to enrich my life with different types of experiences until I get to my 'end goal' (if I had to dream the perfect dream... it would be heading my own PT clinic focused on clinical research and new tech - similar to the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago). A unique journey and having a lot of experience to draw from is my preferred mode of operation. For example, studying abroad in HK placed me in a position for many lessons on independence, simple living and avoidance of excess, adaptability, sensitivity to other peoples' ways of life, and communication. I know that I could be very good at starting new things, integrating ideas and concepts, and being diplomatic. I could use my developed people skills to manage projects, but through my experiences abroad, I have also found that there are many things I still need to work on such as follow-through, self-discipline, and consistency (these are developed but can always be improved).

Being an engineer is also very different being someone with a patient-centric occupation or a people-oriented job, which I would enjoy. However, it is valuable to be able to take engineering approaches to both managing research projects and leading a rehabilitation clinic's operations.

Knowing that people would be very critical of how seemingly haphazard my path is - the best take away is that I should not jump into new ventures on a whim. I should still know my general direction and ensure that everything I do serves a purpose, either directly or indirectly. And that is why I need to think more about my 5 year snapshot!

I'm still charting the course and enjoying where I'm at now. My goal is to have an interesting life and have an impact on my world/community. That is the value I hope to create for myself.

4) Snapshots from Random Social Happenings! (in no particular order)

7/6 - Skype dinner date with awesome long-time friends! <3

7/20 - National Ice Cream Day at Fenton's!

Good times with beautiful people :)

First time doing nails with 'the girls' =]

7/18 - Triple Rock with these amazingly awesome people!

7/3 - Fourth of July SoCal trip - Roscoe's Chicken & Waffles

7/20 - Ramen Festival SF!

7/9 - Oakland foodventure to Homeroom (mac & cheeses) + Fenton's afterwards

Fantasmic! famished

Currently Listening: Britney Spears - Lucky, Backstreet Boys, basically all the fun karaoke songs

Still Reading: The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)

At this very moment, I feel that my life is lacking a magical element to it. I know it's unrealistic but sometimes a girl just needs some magic, okay?

My knee is still having troubles. I seriously need to get more exercise. My mind runs circles when I don't go for jogs. Ahhhh guess I'll have to get used to "therapy swims" instead. Also, I embarrassingly lost my knee brace again... Why do I let these things happen?

Man, I wish I had more to write about right now... for now, my thoughts are fairly nonlinear. Dorian Gray makes me think a lot about maturity, life experience, and the contrast between "innocence" and "corruption." Lord Henry is both annoying and intriguing to me - how does one so maliciously enjoy the downfall of innocence? I wonder what Dorian would have been like if he had continued on in life unscathed by vanity and self-indulgence... the lesson of course is that Dorian took life experience to extremes... because he could... and the further you go down the rabbit hole, the more gravitating the spiral becomes. Thoughts for later, I guess.

Just Checking In | Lessons I Learned in College and Grad School

Currently Listening: Nujabes - Luv(sic) parts 1-6

Currently Reading: Meditations (Marcus Aurelius), The Picture of Dorian Gray (Oscar Wilde)

It's so hard to find a gig that lives up to the billing
Trying to find a reason to work, god willing
I admit, my thinking is wishful
Like a star upon a child gazing up to the ceiling
How far do we have to stretch the truth
To fit the lifestyles borrowed and overdue?
We can take it all back to the register
And start all over from the canister
Let's break it all down into pieces of bright
Moments that pass by like a meteorite
Throw on your favorite reel that's good to go
On the analog player watch the people glow
Sit back to the breeze let the memories flow
Comedy tragedy all the highs and lows

Recent Happenings/Endeavors:

• Applying for jobs... deadline for self: end of August
• Slowly returning to athletic activity/training.... I should really see a doctor about my knee...
• Attempting to detach from posting too much on Facebook.... using Yelp and Instagram more
• Reading more, cleaning more, getting my act together...
• Laptop in Geek Squad repair due to hardware issues; using an old family laptop in the meantime

Not too much going on right now, although my days are mostly filled up. I missed the last two blogging Mondays because I've been caught up in graduation, spending time with family and friends, etc.. In the meantime, I've been working on a set of reflections/overall lessons from college and grad school but it's really hard to sum up six years of lessons. I guess I'll post a draft here:

General Lessons

1. Perfectionism is great - but don't let it paralyze you. You can't let the thought of failure or mediocrity deter you from actually DOING something. Go out there and do it to the best of your ability. Maybe in the end, it won't be perfectly to your standard, but it's better than not trying or half-assing it.
2. Stop worrying about making the right decision. Be decisive. Take time to consider your options - realize that all options contain some variety of benefits, struggles, and failures. You'll never TRULY know what is on the other side of the fence; be at peace with that and run with whatever decision you've made.
3. Fake it until you make it.
4. Focus your resources on your strengths; don't spend too much time trying to mitigate your weaknesses.
5. There is nothing wrong with taking the time to manage your appearance/image with diet, exercise, and daily maintenance. It is a vehicle for your soul and spirit! As much as it feels superficial, people will treat you differently based on how you appear to them. Look and feel confident.
6. And on that note, stop caring about what everyone else thinks. Don't run around trying to meet the expectations of others without knowing what you expect from yourself. 
7. Exercise a strong sense of self based on data and facts - not the opinions of others (or your own delusions). There will be times when people make you feel like you're not good enough. Conversely, people may make you feel like you're too good for something. If you have a strong sense of you are - GO FOR IT.
8. A motivator that works for me: "You're better than that. Now go and prove it." 
9. Simplify, simplify, simplify.... but don't oversimplify. Spend money as needed. Minimize excess.

On Relationships with People

1. Surround yourself with people who make/inspire you to be a better person. Give freely to the people you want to keep in your life. Choose wisely. It is also beneficial to be in the company of different types of people - those who think and feel differently from you along with those who resonate with you intellectually and emotionally. 
2. Don't be afraid of getting hurt (emotionally). But don't let others take advantage of you; approach your relationships with caution. 
3. Live in the present of your relationships, not in the past or the future. "The good times you have had together are cherished memories, but they will not sustain a bad relationship [...] Neither will the hope of ending up together one day when you return from abroad, as powerful as that hope may be. [...] The past and the future are nice thoughts, but they are not powerful enough to sustain a relationship that is rotting away. Make your present relationship good, and the other good things will come with it." 
4. Be wary of letting insecurity define your relationships. Insecurity is a cruel and subtle beast that burns voids into your soul. You might try to fill those voids with the external validation of others. However, you are responsible for your own happiness; don't expect others to give you that.
5. Genuine love involves concern for another person's happiness over your own. Sometimes that involves detaching yourself from their life for a period of time. Sometimes it means giving the hard truth. Sometimes it means the best gift you can give is the certainty that you will stand by their side.
6. Being "in love" and "loving someone" are distinct concepts but not mutually exclusive.  
7. Communicate your needs clearly in a relationship.
8. Good relationships with family is easily one of the most important things you learn to maintain.